Reflective Essay

Brendan McMorrow

Mr. Barnes

+ English III

25 April 2013

Reflective Essay

Writing an English essay is literally the worst. It is the only homework I actually have to do, and it means staying up till early in the morning (It is 1:30 right now, thanks Barnes). However, looking over and editing my essays from this year has shown me that English essays may not literally be the worst. While of course most are, there have been a few gems this year that allowed me to develop myself as both a writer and an individual. The creative pieces gave me an opportunity to work on incorporating voice into my writing, while the personal essay let me think back on everything that happened last year and realize how much it has changed me.

One thing that I have always struggled with, and still do, is developing my own voice. Throughout freshmen and sophomore year, I have wrote countless essays analyzing various aspects of different books, which I have to admit was more fun than I thought it would be. I love thinking about what the real meaning is behind books. But I could never understand how I could incorporate my voice into an analytical essay; in my mind an analytical essay should be about analyzing, not adding flowery language or ornate sentence structure. This hasn’t flow too well with my English teachers. Luckily, in English III we had the privilege of writing (at least) two creative pieces. For my IP I chose to edit both the POV shift and the Work Sketch. Both assignments were similar, yet each offered a slightly different opportunity. The word sketch allowed me to just my imagination run rampant, coming up with sentences comparing the chassis of an iPhone to a picture frame that “Leonardo Da Vinci would be proud to hang a painting within” (Word). While having no limits on my creativity was certainly a fun exercise, I preferred the challenge of shaping that creativity to fit with a preexisting storyline. In my POV shift, I took the point of view of Maurice, the elevator pimp from Catcher in the Rye. With the dialogue as the foundation, I was able to flesh out Maurice’s personalty. He turned into an oblivious jerk, as is obvious when he lets his “muscle fall out and flop over [his waistband]” before he starts to beat up a kid (POV). While both creative pieces differ slightly, they both provided me an opportunity to experiment with my creative side. I focused on expanding this creative voice in my revisions. For example, I wanted to make Maurice’s poor education more evident, so I decided that “If there’s one thing [he] can’t stand, its criminals” (POV). Which is funny because Maurice is a pimp. Regardless of how creative of a person I am, I enjoyed both the POV Shift and Word Sketch as they allowed experimentation with a side of writing I am largely unfamiliar with.

While the creative pieces were a slight break from the regular English essay, the personal essay was by far my favorite assignment of the year, most frustrating assignment of the year, and my worst essay of the year. If you only saw the essay that I turned in, it may seem as if I turned in a rough draft. That would be the truth. Yet I spent at least twice as long writing that essay than I did on any other essay this year. I wrote at least 5 rough drafts, scrapping each one because none of them could adequately describe what happened last year. I experimented with different styles to try to get the emotions across. “The more I try the faster I seem to fall, my mind desperately trying to find something positive to cling to but the more I search the more I realized there is nothing, I am alone; falling” (Personal). As you can see, my attempts at stream of consciousness made the essay hard to follow. The main problem I faced though, and what frustrated me the most, was the 500 word limit. I didn’t think that I could fit everything that happened and all of my emotions in a ten page essay, let alone a 500 word one. I didn’t think that I could narrow down my entire sophomore year into one life lesson and be satisfied with it. And I was right. Even with all the work I put in, writing and rewriting, I never could produce an adequate essay. That is why I got a C on my personal essay. That is why 95% of my revised personal essay is in bold. However, writing the essay forced me to think about how much I really have changed over the last year, and how much I really love the person I have become. “And I wouldn’t change that for the world” (Personal).

I rewrote it once again, making one last effort to try and capture a year of mistakes and perseverance in a mere 500 words. It is certainly better than my other attempts, but I still feel as though I’ve painted a poor portrait of how deeply last year affected me. I still am dissatisfied with the lesson I learned, with the portrayal of emotion and description of the events. But it is the best I could do.

English III certainly has been an adventure, from the wild parties with Gatsby to the excursions down the Mississippi River. It has also been a great personal adventure. While at first they seemed painful, the personal essay and creative pieces provided me with the opportunity to better myself both as a writer and an individual. Seeing how much I have changed over just one year, I can only imagine what the future will hold. AP English, here I come!