Personal Essay

Brendan McMorrow

Mr. Barnes

+ English III

5 February 2013

Personal Essay

[…]

The sun was shining. Yet it failed to heat the air whipping against my face as I walked over to my mom’s van. An overwhelming sense of suspense was swelling up inside of me, knowing that my world would either be restored, or […] destroyed beyond all hope of repair. All the miles I ran with my cross country team weren’t enough to prepare my heart for the next six words: “You can’t go back to West.” It stopped.

Flashback to a few weeks earlier. I was a fairly normal kid; slightly shy and awkward but extremely smart with a decent sized friend group. But I was extremely unconfident. My sense of self worth came mostly from what other thought about me. Doing almost anything alone would strike fear in my heart, as I was always looking to others to take the lead. I was too insecure to believe that my judgement could be better than my friends’. When one of my friends told me to stand guard while he took tests from a teacher’s computer, I naturally agreed.

It wasn’t that I didn’t know what we did was wrong. I did. I didn’t stop to think about what we were doing. I accepted my friend’s decision without thinking about what we were doing.

The next few months was the most painful time of my life. There was a meeting with a discipline committee, and it was the most nerve-wracking thing I had ever done. I had to go in front of a group of principals and explain what I did and why. They decided I was not allowed back to West, but I refused to give up, opting to appeal my case to the Board of Education. I remember going into that meeting barely being able to walk, knowing that this was my last chance. I presented my case again, this time in front of most of the Board members and the superintendent. I would be allowed back at the semester.

This wasn’t remotely close to the end though; I had three months of work to do with roughly a month to do it. I had to go to an alternate discipline center everyday to work, where I was surrounded by drug dealers and kids who tried to stab people with knives. Most of my friends had lost contact long ago. Never in my life had I felt so out of place and alone. It became obvious that I needed a friend.

I became my own best friend. If I wanted to succeed, I realized I needed to trust that I could. Having made it this far on my own, I knew I was strong enough to face whatever would come my way. I put my head down, powered through all my work, and returned to school. I faced the embarrassment from my peers and finished the second semester strong. Nothing could have given me a bigger confidence boost that looking at my report card, and realizing everything I did to do to earn it.

Walking through the halls with self-assured strides, I sometimes think about what sophomore year could have been. I think about how one stupid mistake ruined an entire year. But it was the price I paid to become who I am today. And I wouldn’t change that for the world.